Politically Speaking
by TripWire- dono
Summary: Yumichika has some issues with street talk CRACK FIC! Brought to you by TripWire- dono...again. content has some sexual innuendos


**Booooooo! I'm back at school now, my holidays over and I'm feeling sick again… We got a new student in our grade and she's a Viet migrant YAY! That's our second one this year. I hope you all enjoyed my previous one- shot 'Quazoosl' that was a weird crack fic. And now I'm introducing you to another fic where I was on MORE crack, metaphorically speaking. **

**This is set during the time where Ikkaku and Yumichika are staying at Keigo's house with his sister.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach**

**Enjoy!**

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**Lost and Disagreeing**

"Honestly, there is no convenience store in sight. That woman's drawing is almost as ugly as her face!" Yumichika sighed as he tried to make heads or tails with the scribbled lines on the crumpled piece of paper in his hand.

For all her knew, he could be walking in circles, but he knew for a fact that he was most definitely lost. He was so lost that he didn't even know what street he just came from the intersection. Everything was so unfamiliar and dark that he wasn't even sure he was in Karakura town anymore.

The host they were staying with, Keigo-_san_'s older sister gave him a wallet, a piece of paper which she called a map, for his to find a convenience store to by ingredients for dinner.

That woman! How rude, shoving him out the door like that. Did she realise that she could've broken a nail from that pushy push? God, these humans don't have any manners at all.

Yumichika combed his feather brow with his delicate fingers and looked around. There was a woman dressed in fishnet stockings and short, pink leather jacket waving a winking at him from across the street.

'_There's a nice young woman over there! I'll go ask her for some directions. Like Ikkaku said, personality counts too' _with that thought drilled into his head he wandered over.

It was a shame that Yumichika was indeed NOT in a Karakura town, but in the outskirts.

The out skirt known as the _Red Light District._

"Hi" she said

"Hello"

"Are you um… looking for some company?"

"Not really I just want sex" Yumichika flicked his head.

"That's what I meant" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, why did you say: _Are you looking for some company?"_

"It's just what we say; it's the political way of saying it 'cause people get embarrassed"

"Well, doesn't it get confusing? What if, you know, they really _do_ want some company?"

"Well that never happens here" the woman gave him a confused look. Yumichika had already concluded that she was prostitute.

"They might do" said Yumichika. "What you should say is: _Are you looking for some company? Because if you are, you've come to the wrong place, 'cause I only do sex"_ Yumichika mimicked her ghastly impersonation of a sexy tone.

"Look man, what do you really want" the prostitute was getting annoyed.

"I actually came for directions" Yumichika grinned.

"You really don't was sex?"

"I was just showing you another way for saying it"

"All right, let's do it the polite way shall we?" The prostitute cleared her voice. "Are you after some company whilst looking for directions?"

"Yes I am, how much" Yumichika breathed it out in as much sexiness as he can muster.

The prostitute seeing him playing the game continued in her version of a sexy voice.

"Well, say if I were to point you in the right direction _with my hands_, which will be 3000 _yen_. If I were to give you _all directions_, that will be 6000 _yen_ and if I were to take you _all the way to your destination_, that will be 8000 _yen_.

"And how much would it be for sex?" he breathed.

"Go away" with that the prostitute walked off leaving poor Yumichika stranded once again.

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**OWARI. I wrote all that down in 30 minutes. Cooooool…. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, though the sexual innuendos were… strange? Yeah. I'm not sure if I caught the essence of Yumichika though, because I don't know him that well.**

**Read and REVIEW my pretties! Don't forget to check out my other stories too!**

**TripWire- dono**


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